Happy Mother's Day?

Mother's Day brings with it so many mixed emotions.  I love that my children appreciate me, and I love my Mom. I think it is nice to be honored and that I get to take a day off. It is nice that Tim didn't have meetings at the church this morning, and that he made me a fancy schmancy breakfast.  I love that on Mother's Day Tim does most of the work.

However, I also remember the many mother's days that I sat in the back of the chapel and cried. I remember the traumatic day when the young men were passing out flowers to all the women in the ward, and one told me I didn't deserve a flower because I didn't have kids.  In his defense he was 13 and didn't know I had been dealing with infertility, and that I wanted nothing more than to be a mother.  I know that.  But his words still cut like a knife through my heart.

Just a few minutes ago I read the post of a facebook friend that made my heart hurt again.  It was meant to be a funny joke about fertility treatments, but I know that it could only possibly be funny to someone that has never felt the pain of infertility... and though that is no longer something I deal with, I know there are others out there that will feel pain at his words.

In one way I am grateful for those years of struggle and heartache.  It makes me a better mother than I would have been.  I am much more appreciative of my children.  Do I still struggle?  Of course!  There are days that I want to pull all of my hair out and scream at the top of my lungs.  And then I remind myself of how much I wanted these kids, and how many times I prayed and asked for help getting them here...

The other reason I am grateful for those years is that it has made me a much more compassionate person.  I am far more aware of the unseen pain around me.  Not that I always know what that pain is, just as many people didn't know of my struggles- but I am more aware that there IS pain...

Today I am very aware of those that do so much to mother, without actually having children.  I am aware of a sweet lady in my ward that was never able to have a baby.  But, she is a third grandma for my kids.  They love her and get so excited whenever they see her.  She used to be my visiting teacher, and we were all so sad when she was reassigned.  Fortunately we have maintained our friendship and the girls still ask me on a regular basis when Hazel is coming to visit, or when we are going to visit her.

I think of others in my life that have been amazing examples to me. They have taught me so much about kindness and compassion  and being happy in spite of circumstance.  One such person made a huge difference in my life when I was in sixth grade.  She reached me in a way no other person possibly could have.  She was my teacher and though she didn't have children yet, she had amazing mothering skills. She also helped me appreciate my own wonderful mother far more than I would have without her influence.

I think of my fabulous sister.  Jonathan has three moms, just ask him :)  I am Mom, Tim is Mama, and Lyndall is Mooom.  Lyndall is far more than an aunt to my kids.  She is their favorite person -- a best friend, a listening ear, a compassionate heart, and an amazing example. I am a better mom because of her influence, and my children are much happier because she is here.

I want to say Happy Mother's Day to all whose hearts mother, whether their bodies go along with it or not...